[Sex & Love Advice]:

The only caller to take them up on their offer was a woman who has been with her boyfriend for 10 years, and as he performs oral on her she grabs his hair and scratches his head which leads to him crying because his feelings are hurt. Dave's solution: tie a towel around his head. Aimee suggested she blindfold him so that she couldn't see if he's crying, and Billy said that she needs to be tied down so that she can't scratch him.

[Quotes]:

"Oh, really? Now I'm interested. Any chance that I can get you behind the desk for a little one-on-one massage?" [Dave, to a caller who works the front desk of a salon]

"... And she's going to come in and learn how to do the board herself and today I'm personally excited about it, I was going to cut my arms open with razor blades for her and bleed all over the console." [Dave, about Aimee]
"She'd like that." [Billy]
"I probably, I think she might, so that's what I was..." [Dave]
"Actually I'd like that too, so..." [Billy]
"Yeah, but you know what bro? Wrong genitalia. I'm not trying to impress you [laughs] with how hard I am. And Jessica, well ya know the way to impress her is to, ya know, bring in one of those little, what do you call those things? A beanie baby?" [Dave]
"What is he talking about?" [Billy]
"A beanie baby?" [Jessica]
"You know what those things are?" [Dave]
"Like the stuffed animal?" [Jessica]
"Yeah!" [Dave]
"That's the way to my heart?" [Jessica]
"Well it's certainly a better way than cutting myself open I would think, with a razor blade." [Dave]
"The damage thing is not Jessica's.." [Billy]
"Yeah, yeah, you don't go damaged like self mutilation, you go beanie baby." [Dave]
"Somewhere inbetween?" [Billy]
"Yeah." [Jessica]
"What if I brought in a beanie baby and cut it open?" [Dave, laughs]
"Then I'd love you." [Jessica]
"See, best of both worlds." [Dave]

"It's funny, what I've noticed is, they were actually all in front of Dave." [Billy, about fans on Dave's side of the stage]
"That's not true. Actually, I've got to be honest with you Billy, what hurts my feelings is that there are avid Camp Freddy listeners and fans that I know, that we know, that are always on your side. What's up with that?" [Dave]